I fart, He farts, She farts, YOU fart, we all are farting!
Sunday School Blaster
I went to the parish school and sat down in the next to the back row of the classroom away from everybody else because I didn't know many of the other kids. Behind me sat one other student. An hour into the session the class was intensely discussing God when I felt a tremendous rumbling deep in my butt. I knew that this was going to be a bad one if I let it go, and for five minutes I almost broke a sweat trying to push the thing back up my ass, because the class was absolutely quiet and hanging on the every word of the instructor.
After a while I felt the pressure relieve itself, and the fart seemingly disappeared back up into my gut. I breathed a sigh of relief and at last I relaxed my ass cheeks.
The moment I relaxerd myself the entire built-up fart came barreling out of my ass at unholy speeds and blasted it's full pent-up force onto the wooden chair beneath me. The way it blasted off the chair and echoed off the concrete walls created a roar so loud and ear-shattering that you thought God Himself was walking into the back of the classroom.
The entire class stopped it's discussion and all heads turned around to look at me. Every face in Sunday School was staring right at me and the student sitting behind me, because we were the only ones who could have done that. For a split second I didn't know what to do because I was in total shock at what had happened. The students were saying to themselves, "Good God!", "Holy cow!", and anything else that could describe their disbelief.
And then Divine inspiration struck: I immediately turned around and stared at the kid sitting behind me along with all the other students. He was wide-eyed and looking back at the entire class and loudly announced, "Man, I did NOT do that!" I just shook my head at "his" fart and turned around, looking at the other students and saying, "Oh, man...!", and none of the other students ever suspected me.
I have been a devout Christain ever since.
M. A. (St. Louis)